my own feelings or thoughts?

I always believe myself to make the correct choice when i have 2~ I always believe myself that i see and select the correct ppl to trust on~

But now today, i sitting here writing my blog and wondering myself,

1. did i made the correct choice for my own?
2. did i put my trust on the correct ppl?
3. can i ever protect myself from being hurt again and again?

I am very afraid that this time i believe the wrong person either my best friends, my closest friends, my cousins or even my boyfriend~

All of a sudden i'm really afraid~ well, honestly i not suppose to post here but still this is the only place where i tell out my true thoughts or feelings~

I afraid that my current relationship or future relationship will happen the same thing like last time~ all my partners told before that how loyal are they~ and suddenly out of no where i found out that they did something behind of me~

Can i ever trust every single word that my partner says? Now i can easily understand someone when i wanted to~ once i understand i will really understand but did you all knows that behind of everyone there is a devil with have everything of yours?

no matter how loyal is the person is and once he or she did a mistake, the person will hide it from telling to his / her partner no matter the mistake is either betrayal, lying, etc etc~ what is the reason that they always give after the partner found out?

1. "i just dont want you to worry about me"
2. "i dun wan you to think too much"
3. "i dont wanna lose you"
4. "you are the most important person in my life. that is the reason i hide it from you"

But the partner always believe.... You know why?

Because that partner still love him/her~ inside the person they always the so called kindness when it is about someone they love~ but still the one that hurt the most is always me for the pass 2 years~

By,
♂♥ Michelle ♥♀

P.S : Everyone has a devil behind it owner's shadow~ Red represents of anger, hatred and fire~ My devil are always in front of my leading my way thru the darkness~ Red is my favorite colour out of all~ I am sorry for what i have done so far~ Thousand of apologize~

Happy bitter memories --> Long post

My journey started yesterday morning... Morning woke up at 7am... get ready to go to meet Simon, Jia Liang and Eu gene... I suppose to go for class de but i din go cause i wanna have a perfect birthday celebration~

Reach to Jusco 10am~ wait them for one hour or can say as they reach is already 11am~ nvm lo~ i know a new fren~ her name was Amanda~ she is a fun gal to be with~ but den me and simon head for quarantine~ for me, i would say its not a bad show~ muz go watch~ den after tat movie, me and simon hang out for about 1 hour plus to wait jia liang, eugene and amanda cause they are watching HSM3~

they finish their HSM d den we go to old town to have some drinks~ waiting time to pass to watch the next movie~ Our next movie is Madagascar~ hahaha~ funny show~ that movie starts at 3.30pm and ends around 5pm~Actually before going for the movie, I know that william working at TGV already~ but that can say is a wild guess la~ Simon punya "gay partner" LOL!! joking la~ before we enter for both of our movies, Simon go kacau William~ all i can do is LOL in my heart~ hahahaha~

finish madagascar le, we go back to Sg.Long~ Simon and the others has a plan which i not really sure what is it that time~ I followed Simon back to his house cause he needs to cook for the family 1st~ so i helped out Simon a little bit~ and i follow Simon out at 7pm to go for dinner at Steven's house~ and u wanna know smt? Simon drive!! Haha!! always wanted him to drive me out and finally he did!! LOL!! me siao liao!!

Me and Simon go buy pizza, drinks and cakes~ he pay for all leh~ i felt so not right when he doing that~ while waiting for pizza, we bump into Simon's 1st ex and her mum~ he sit silent there and i cant do anything~ i cant say i bu shuang or watever but still i tried to make things back to normal~

after finish buying stuff, we head back to steven's house~ start de dinner~ Long time no see zhen yu and victor liao~ and that zhen yu tot i forget about him liao~ LOL!! i wont forget the frens that gave me memories before de~ cut the story short~ we eat, sing bit bit, steven and zhen yu dance, drinks etc etc~ talk about drinking~ so long din drink liao~ and honestly i first time drink tiger beer de lo~ and i drink onli 3/4 of the can coz i share with simon ^^

anyways, if wan talk the whole actual stories, 3 days 3 nights dun think can finish~ so i cut the story short~ i delay my time to go back till 12am something~ secrets reveal on my bday eve~ and it is so sucks~ bad bad bad time i get before one hour reach 12am~ guilty cautions until reach home~ I kinda drag simon down into problems~ Thousand of apologize!!!

I made Simon's parents bu shuang him~ I made Steven angry of me~ and I bring myself trouble~ but one thing i can say is that this year for 2008, the best and my worst birthday celebration of all~ but i am happy about it~

Now on my real birthday~ No plans at all!! for the 1st time~ and somemore my 18th birthday~ actually got plan de~ suppose to go play basketball with my dear and my close friends~ but cause of the troubles that i made, all cancel~ haiz~ suan le ba~ ended up go shopping with my mum to look for high heels and she says take it as my dad give de birthday present~ haha~ happy~ since somemore promise me but at the end din gif~ so nvm la~ my dad called me up from dubai juz to tell me happy birthday~ happy~~ me siao siao d~ alex find me again~ and nag at me~ haiz~ suan le ba~

I am happy enuf with Simon and all my best friends~ that is wat i wan~

By,
♂♥ Michelle ♥♀

Long post... AGAIN~~

It has been a while i din update my post~
Life are just like that for me in KL~
Nothing much special~
Full with studies, exam, assignments and "bees"~

Today (19/11/08) got mass com exam~ morning i woke up at 8 but ended up go out at 9.30 instead of 8.30am~ wasnt feeling so well~ reach skol around 10.30am~ head to ICT lab for notes~ print d den out of sudden i have de mood to do research about my assignment~ Thats kinda weird for me to do in skol~ and i found out that our creation is really exist in this world~ Kinda happy about that~ was talking on the phone with simon and listening to him about his chemistry (=_=) chat with him from 10.30am till around 1pm~ times flies~ after that called him at 2.30pm~ Eve called him up but he din pick and all of a sudden my call cut off~ Haiz~ Suan le ba~ After that i call him back, he was talking to Eve that time~ Haiz~ He told Eve that he going to call her back and i told he will talk with me abit longer~ but haiz~ he told me the same thing~ he says he will call me back~ suan le ba~

I HATE THIS FEELING OF ME!!!

I admitted that i bu shuang~ sudah tahu Simon got gf d still wanna stick to him~ WTF la her!!! haiz~ i dun wanna say much already~ Shud juz let simon go study with Eve since she is the only one willing to study with him~

MICHELLE!! FORGET ABOUT THAT!!!

Suan le ba~ Enter exam hall, read the question~ Looks easy but when i wanna answer.... I DUNNO HOW TO DO!!! OMG (@_@)
After test, as usual, sms with my dar.... But kinda scary when he is in his Serious mood~ tot smt happen to him or watever~ chat in sms and phone~ blah blah blah~ cut the whole thing short la~ This friday going out with him to celebrate~ Happy~~~

Lets talk a little bit about the past~
I meet him on Monday~ I was happy on that day~ Force him to study with me again about moral and add maths~ Get to look at him with his prom outfit~ haha~ so yeng~ as what he says "Heart attack"~ lol~ no la~ looks good on him~
We decided to go to his skol prom already~ It fall on 18th December~ (@_@) my maths exam day~ but lucky that my exam in the morning~ The prom will be held at Flamingo Hotel, Ampang~ NICE!! near my house~ wakakakaka~
For Alvin's prom which is on 22th December, will be held at Nikko Hotel~ At Ampang also~ wakakakaka~ Nice~ hehehe~

I look at the Flamingo Hotel de website liao~ It was wonderful hotel but when go there that time dunno is the same as the photo anot la~ the view at nice is so nice~ romantic nia~ haha~ I look at Nikko hotel's website too~ I like Flamingo Hotel's website more than Nikko Hotel de~ Flamingo Hotel de much more nicer and more style~ hehe~ no offence ya~

By,
♂♥ Michelle ♥♀

Words and promises from guys

Once upon a time, I used to believe every promises and words that they spoke~
I put my all trust and believe on every single words and promises they said~
They betray my trust one by one~
Disappoint me again and again~

At 1st they did what they promised~
And they also keep their words~
After time pass by, they will slowly forget about that~
And will never do what they say and promise~
I forgive them again and again~

And once again they used my trust and betray me~
Until now, I still put 100% in their words and promises~
Hoping that my trust on them are worth it~
Hoping whatever they promise me they will fulfill it~

In the end, i only hurt myself~
They never do what they said~
They never do what they promised~
They even can forget that he suppose to meet the gf on that day~

What happen to this world?
They can say that they busy till forget~
They can say that they have problem~
They will delay, delay and delay~
They thought by delaying will make me forget~

My mum said that promises and words said by guys cant fully trust~
If not in the end if they din fulfill only will hurt yourself~

Sometimes i think about what my mum said, its kinda true~
For the readers, I dont mean that this post is for you guys that i know~
This is something in my heart that i wanna say out for a long time already~
Thousand apologize if i hurt your feelings~ Thats all for now~

By,
♂♥ Michelle ♥♀

Just go on with life -> Update version

Well~ Recently my life are kinda terrible~
Where shud i begin with??
Erm~ Let me see~
1st, last 2 weeks if not mistaken, my fren betray me~ now i admit tat is betray~
stuff get worst after that~ my life is involve or can say danger~
But now it solve~ AT LAST~

Yesterday i went to take my phone~
Was happily get my phone back and start using it~
When i about to leave, i talked with my hair stylist for appointment~
About to leave the complex with a happy mood~

If i know something will happen, I shud juz go home~
But i din~ I went to the basement to check is Alex's car there anot~
I did found his car and i realize the engine is on~ So i tot he is sleeping or watever~
When i walk to his car, i saw he kinda sleeping on the seat next to the driver seat~
And i found out there is a gal there~ I stood behind his car about 5 minutes but he din realize~
After that i walk and stand next to de door, he din realize too after i stand there for 5 minutes~

I dunno why will i upset~ i walked off and i stood behind de walk~
trying to calm down myself~ when i wanna head to the lift, i saw him pass by me and smiling~
Haiz~ i tried not to cry for him but i cant control~
whenever i have problem i will go to 7 floor de parking~ there have a nice view and windy~
a nice place for release sadness but that place is dangerous coz anything may happen there~

now i feel a bit regret to call to simon yday when i cried~ but i need to talk to someone~
i called up and i release everything in me on the phone with him~
in the middle of the call, Alex called up and he explain to me~
I told him that he explain to me is no use anymore and we fight for one hour~
I knows how Simon felt about this when i talk to him about this~

He waited for my return call patiently~ when i call back, he sound sad~
altho he always speechless whenever i cried on the phone~
but i felt better coz at least he can be there for me~ at last he made me laugh~
But i kinda make him in trouble~ i shud not call him always already~

I also felt wat he felt after the call~ I knows that he will think that i take him as a replacement~
Honestly i din take him as replacement~ i accepted him cause the feelings he gave me~
cant believe i say it here (>_<) i felt happy, safe, no worries, no sadness when with him~
With him i can laugh all the time~ he keep bully me (^_^)

But the most important is he is important to me~
For me, i can sacrifice anything just to see my partner to be happy~
i dun wan my relationship like last time~ I like being with his mum~
His mum is friendly, funny~ so does his dad but dun really know his dad~
i know his mum more than his dad~ wat to do~ haiz~

recently i skip a lot of classes cause the problems/troubles that i having~
i also dunno what i'm thinking recently~
trying to keep myself a distance from the outside world~
but in the end cant~ I always have negative thoughts during handling de problem~
Can say i get scolded by my close fren, Steven cause i keep having negative thoughts~
make Simon worry about me also cause of that~

I tot that i can have my phone back but unfortunately the problem with my phone not yet fix~
so have to gif them back again~ this time much more worst~
hang to white screen, restart ownself etc etc~

Suan le ba~ recently i kinda worry about my dar cause his exam~
especially his Sejarah paper~ haiz~ hope he get good result~
kinda sad that we stay so far and we onli can meet one week once~
but now i dun feel lik meeting him one week once cause his exam~

anyways~ hopefully everything turn out fine for me, Simon and everyone that i think of~
tatas~

Announcement

Dear all reader,

Start from today, Simon will have the right to write in my blog. XP

Bad luck

Stuff are going real bad recently~
1st my handphone spoil without a reason~
2nd I hurt those that i not suppose to hurt~
3rd Me and someone that is important to me get played by someone~
(I am so damn pissed with the person who played me)
4th I get blame or so called "curse" by those ppl for wat i din do~
5th Cause what happen recently i start to neglect my studies
6th All those thing happen stated above have ruin my day on Friday nite~

I decided to skip classes on Friday cause i have no longer got the mood to study~
So i went to find Simon earlier than i planed~
I told him what happen to me and i kinda like hurt him cause i argue with Alex infront of him~
Thousand of apologize~ I really happy to be with you Simon~
You make me forget about my troubles~
But sad thing is I only be able to be with you once a week or less~
Which i am not happy with that~
No one knows i am not happy in KL~
Someone told me dun write everything in my blog but this is the only place where i can express my feelings and myself here~

Friday played basketball, badminton and table tennis~
Table tennis onli manage to play for 5 minutes~
My fault cause i din bring my own stuff there to play table tennis~
Played with Simon badminton in the morning around 11 something till 2pm~
It was kinda fun to play with him~ but very tiring~
Around 2.30pm we meet Eugene and Jia Liang at the cafeteria~
We ate our lunch then we continue play sports again~

Well~ play badminton again but suddenly bump into my cousin brother~
Which he spoil my mood cause i sked he kinda "report" to my grandma~
I let my anger go while playing badminton with Simon for 2nd time~
I am really sorry about that~ I hope you dun mind~
Play table tennis around 3pm~ Jia Liang and Simon have table tennis match until 3.30pm~
We head to basketball until 4.30pm as Jia Liang and Eugene have football~

Jia Liang dun look really happy cause he cant enter the ball most of the time~
I din really play basketball cause onli have one hour and most of the time i let Jia Liang to shoot~
We left the club house around 5pm~
Simon walked with me to the bus station~ reach there around 5.10 or 5.15pm~
We kinda chat before i left~ and I dun like to see his face when i leave cause muka masam~
Well~ of coz la cause sad ma~ me also lo~ din expect that time will fly so fast and i need to go back d~

Tak sampai hati to leave that place cause i really happy when i was with there with Simon and others~
But what to do~ I need to move on with my life~
Never knows when is the next time i goin to meet Simon as he is having his major SPM~
I dun wan to see him do bad in his exam~ Wan him to study but it seems that he din study (=.=)

I hate at nite cause at nite is all the bad stuff happen to me again~
All my bad mood came back at nite as my trouble is growing bigger and bigger~
Which make me real sad~ I really dun lik KL life anymore~

i wanted to be with Simon~
With him i can laugh not stop altho we keep bullying each other~
Which is a fun thing~
I got think before to move down there and live life happily but i cant dump my mum alone here~

Suffer and pain is what i go thru now in KL and my dar is not with me~
Sad~ Just really hope you can be my side pei me~
I really hope that you are able to be with me when i need you~
But so far yet so close from our heart~

Thats all for this crappy post~ Byez

This is wat i wanna write from my heart

Recently so many things happen around me~
From being single to relationship~
From happy to sad~

I always wanted to tell Kenny what have been going on with my life but he didnt call me when i wanted him to call~ And finally he online yesterday~ I know i have to be cruel and tell him the truth~ I know he cares bout my happiness alot~ He always wanted me to be happy~ Now I am happy as I found someone that love me as much as I love him~ But i have hurt Kenny indirectly by telling the truth~ He sound so sad about the truth that i told him~ He always make me happy whenever i was down~

I started to avoid everyone whenever i reach home~ Even certain ppl in uni~ What is the reason? I also dunno~ The reason of avoiding ppl is unknown~ At uni i try my best not to felt alone~ I know i am not alone but in uni i cant find my ownself there~ I am thankful for my friends that helped me~ But some where in me, I felt really tired~

Start to miss morning classes~ Assignment haven start also~ I still try to have fun while everyone get so serious around me~ Why am i like this?? I not sure about myself~

One thing i really wanna do now is I wanna learn dancing~ I really wanted it so much~ But my studio there haven have any news so i cant do anything~ The prom is near and i haven prepare anything~ I have plan to save how much in order can get the things ready for prom but my budget isn't rite everytime~

I dunno i can say i having bad luck anot cause all of a sudden my hp spoil yesterday~ today i skip my class cause just to send my phone to repair~ hopefully it still under warranty if i have to pay~

I dun mean to hurt people around me~ I dun even know when i hurt them~ I am sorry to say so~ But now i am here to apologize~

I wanted to play basketball so badly now~ Wanted to learn dance so badly too~
The most important is i need a hug~ Hug feel nice, warm~ I dunno how to explain the feeling when i receive a hug~ but i onli can say i felt much more better~ and the most important is when hugging someone, i felt safe~ that is wat i looking for now~ has been so long never felt that feeling~

Time move on along with how i feel now~ Hopefully everything will be find on Friday~

Update post

So long din update le~ I cant remember what i wanna write also~ but i will just write whatever i remember~

On thursday, my 1st time experience to play 3 kind of sports in 2 hours~ ok ok la~ but its so damn tired coz i din sleep the whole day on wednesday~ reach home straight to bed~ nothing much happens on thursday~

On friday, I over slept~ my class suppose to start at 10am but i slept till 11am~ haiz~ i have to read up my management notes by myself~ somehow i wont skip my favourite webpage pratical~ design a webpage tat day~ and left one more webpage haven write~ will start soon le~ On friday after 1pm was keep on sms-ing with Simon and one more guy from penang~ dun really like to reply the penang guy but i have to cause he reload for me (>_<)

after class i hang out with one of my close fren at jusco near my house~ while i was sms-ing, smt happen~ well~ how to say leh~ erm~ Simon said something which can bring alot of meaning~ but somehow Friday is my happy day~ I ask Simon to say watever he wanna say cause he keep turning circle~ and finally he confess but he din ask me~ bakero~ i call up steven cause i know he knows how simon feels about me~ and i told steven lo that why simon din ask if simon ask i surely say yes lo~ after 10 minutes i talk on the phone with steven, simon ask me to be his gf~ i was lik "wat the... surely steven told him to ask me..."

i ask simon a couple of question about his past relationship and i answer him~ he cant sleep that nite until i force him to sleep~ we sms till 2am something~ tat was his 1st time that he sleep so late just to sms me~ On saturday, that was yday... Meet up with steven and simon for basketball in the morning as we plan~ was kinda nervous to meet up with simon~ i dunno why~

20 minutes before i reach the club house at sg.long simon told me that his parents is at the club house also~ my 1st reaction is "wat the~ why now? why so fast must meet his parents?" i got so nervous~ reach the club house around 9.45am start to play basketball until 11am~ play table tennis till 12 and join steven for basketball again till 2pm~ after that i have lunch with simon's parents and bro~ scary experience~ we onli couple not even 48 hours~ LOL!!! after lunch we play basketball again till 4pm~ play under the sun until i got sun burn T_T Kinda happy to play basketball with Simon and the others~ His parents arrive to fetch us around 4.30pm~ and again~

I go to his house (>_<) coz his parents can drop me by at the KTM station but need to wait Simon, his siblings and his mom to get ready to go out~ So i sit at his house about 45 minutes~ I think so la~ I sitting at the sofa looking at Simon's sibling playing PS~ after 30 minutes Simon done his shower~ The 1st time i see him with his specs~ so yeng >< (so paiseh)

We chat at the sofa awhile for about 15 minutes while waiting his mum~ after that we get into the car and head off le~ His parents need to go to Kajang so i have abit more time with Simon~ I manage to make his mum laugh just by talking some drama series on Astro~ Simon thx me cause he haven see his mum laugh like tat for 2 years~ I was thinking "really ar?" I told simon that he looks better with specs (for me la) but for other ppl i not sure~

His parents drop me at Serdang KTM station~ as usual after that both of us start sms d~ reach home around 7pm+... My shoulder hurts cause the sun burn~ As well for today~ it got worst~ it feels damn hurt whenever i lift up my hand~ sensitive like hell~ but i really really hope that it cure before december~ important event~ dun wanna spoil my 1st prom nite~

Today did packing at my dad's house~ tiring day~ today sms with Simon whole day also~ he says he read history today~ dunno betul anot~ i think thats all for now gua~ sorry if i disappoint readers for this post today~ tatas