Happy 10th Monthly-versary

To My Dear Simon,

Thanks for the chance

I will use the best of it

I dun wan make a single mistake if i can

I will follow what u told me

And i will do it

I will also fulfill my promises to you

I will take this chance to

repay back my mistakes last time,

understand you, trust you more,

and most importantly,

love you more!!

Muax!!

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

i hate myself

what i am today

how i am today

results i get now

is all my fault

i really hate myself!!!

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

Pain roars

Today is my most painful day of all~

knowing the eye of truth from him~

everything is my fault~

there are things i can straightly ask~

but i made up stories instead~

everything is my fault~

the reason of breaking up,

the reason of both of us changing,

the reason of everything goes wrong,

is all my fault~

the most painful things in the world

is not unable to be with the one you loved~

but seeing the one you loved being with another one

that is the most painful and hurtful things~

he said he changed for some reason~

cause family, himself and others~

i also no different than him~

i changed too~ but into what?

a beast where has no feelings

i felt that i am a beast now~

after i lost him, everything upside down~

i became anti-social~

i dun attend classes anymore~

i start avoiding everyone but not him~

i can feel he is in pain~

he is hiding himself from me~

but i kept silent about it~

i want him to know that i am here always for him~

i do not know he realize that anot~

but i will wait for him to return~

cause i believe after he settle the stuff he wants,

he will come back~

i miss him alot~

the feeling of his hands on my faces~

the feeling he gave me when i was with him~

i really miss those days and feelings~

i really miss you, Simon~

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

Stop counting but still waiting

I have been stop counting the days where i am alone...
but i have not stop waiting for you....
i have been thinking thinking bout you non-stop....
missing you so much in the same time....
recently i was trying not to sms you....
and i manage to for yesterday and today...
it has been 2 week plus and yea....
i still cant let go....
now i din even realize that you were online or anything....
izzit a good thing or bad thing??
am i getting my life back now or worst??

i hope that you will leave a msg if u do read...
looking forward to it...

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

It have been a while

It have been awhile now... Whatever i do now i will regret... cant i do something right? Its been really tough for me... I never thought i will go through this once more again.... I really miss him... I dunno know what to do... Wishing him happiness sound so easy but inside me is so hurtful.... Anything about him its none of my business anymore... Seeing him really good with another girl feels so hurt inside but its already none of his business too... All i can do is glad that he able to find someone that give him happy life more than i do... I have been a terrible gf... All cause my attitude.... Stupid attitude that spoils everything in my life...

There are friends that ask me "is he really that important until you can give up everything?" or "is he worth it that you let go everything?".... I answer the same as usual which is "yes" or "anything i can do to maintain this relationship"....

Yesterday i apologize to him about how i treated him and everything... he says what is pass is pass... true... I really regret about how i treated him.... He told me that it is not a must to wait for him and i wont rise the chance of what i have after 3 years.... it sound silly rite? i know i know.... i dunno what else i can do anymore....

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

Day 9 and presentation

Day 9 already... at a moment i tot i alraedy let go my heart but now i felt tat i'm lost... i dunno how to handle anymore... fren ask me out i just go without second thoughts.... anything i do i wont think the second time.... i just simply.. lost.... i wanna change myself instantly... i wanna be different person... but i cant... i wanna be the one he wants me to be... but it seems so hard to do it instantly... i wanna change everything faster.... i dun wanna be in this hurtful moment anymore... i no longer know anymore....

I finally finish my marketing presentation.... its scary while nervous too.. i dunno why.. but i took some pictures before and after presentation....

Sze Ping preparing his speech

Sen Miao or we call him Ah Miao or Miao, preparing his speech also

before class starts

after presentation

thats all for now... i'll post the presentation video up later on... nitez

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

Day 6 - still waiting

Day 6, i am still waiting... replies are very cool... worry that he smt wrong
but he said was usual him and tat time i just remember that
he told me in sms world he will always be happy and hard to be his usual self
and today i see it... really tak biasa...
the one i always sms with last time was the happy-go-lucky simon...
now he sound so emo... nvm la.. sooner or later will get used with him....
today went for shopping... now i onli realise tat spending money make me happy..
but i goin broke if like tat lo T_T
bought 2 new shirt, one skirt, one pair of shoe and camera ^^
today i saw psp 2006 sell for RM699.. omg... cheap neh.. but no money.. haiz...
below are the pictures i take with my mum's new camera ^^ hehe~~

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

Day 5

So fast day 5 le.....
but things are going so slow...
except when i play games or pool...
i din wanna do those things...
coz it waste my time... but....
i can do nothing.... i need to make myself as busy as possible...
if not i will get upset and start thinking again....

I really regret for what i did during our relationship...
i really hope to get another chance...
a chance where to fix all the wrongs i did....
i am really sorry....

~♥~ show you a sweet dream next night ~♥~

By,
♥ Michelle ♥

Day 3

Day 3,
Long and unusual day
getting use with my new life now
studying hard for finals
aim for september intake in UCSI!!!
although i will miss my class if i manage to enter
but i believe myself
and i WILL do it for Simon
coz of him, i used less on my phone already
except sms with Hanyi (^_^)
but not always...
i missing the days i hang out with Simon
i regret that i treat him like that
i am sorry
i shud have treat him better
my door always open for you, Simon
I will be waiting

Sorry

Sorry
for everything

Sorry
that i din gif you enuf freedom

Sorry
that i din gif you the freedom tat u want

Sorry
that i control too much

Sorry
that i am over protective

Sorry
that i do not understand you

Sorry
that i stick to you too much

Sorry
that i do anything wrong

Sorry
that i cant gif you things that you want

Sorry
that i am so stubborn

Sorry
that i always make you worry

Sorry
that i made you goes everything according to me

Sorry
that i neglect your feelings

Sorry
that i gif you stress in relationship

Sorry
Sorry
Sorry

~I hope you will leave me a comment or anything if you got read

Dear Lord Jesus,

Dear Lord Jesus,
I pray for a new hope.
I pray for a solution.
I do not hope to put an end on it.
Please guide me to a better way than this.
I cannot take the pressure of being like this.
He is really important to me.
I do not wanna lose him.
Please help me.
Please give me an answer.
A solution for our relationship to keep on going.
I can do anything as long this relationship never ends.
I do not want to lose my another half.
Please.
In Jesus name, Amen.


I do not wanna lose him.. really... i cried for the whole day... since morning 7am plus in the train till now... this is wat i afraid... i dun wanna lose him... i can do anything as long this relationship is maintain...

By,
♥ Michelle ♥