Yesterday.... suppose to be my happiest day out of my exam week..... i went to club to join Simon yday.... happy that i finally can see him swim.... (^_^) but somehow stuff happened....
at club while waiting for him, i checked my hp and tot simon's hp really no battery... but once i slide up his phone the battery not dead yet... so as usual my this attitude, i checked his inbox.... it was nothing as usual... till i checked his sent item.... i was lik ok..... he tell his feelings to his ex instead of me... i'm ok.... but one hurtful thing is he asked his ex to put him to sleep.... and worst of all, he ask her to keep it as a secret.... i was lik WTF!!
so i hold it in my heart until the last minute i decided to call Zhenyu to talk about it... he was busy that time so i kept it to myself until i went back to simon's house... he suppose to teach me Add Maths since that my General Maths in uni is equal to Add Maths... on the way walking to simon's house, zhenyu called me.... i asked him to called me back in 30 minutes but once i reach simon's house, i called zhenyu 1st... i cant stand the pain so i really need to talk to someone who have almost the same commitment with me in relationship....
i talked to him and finally tears came out from my heart as it stuck for 1-2 weeks already... i felt nice when crying but things get worst... i dun dare to tell what i found out to simon so in the end i told his ex... his ex send a reply to me and its really hurtful.... the msg made me felt that i'm no longer have any place in this relationship.... i was thinking, "since that they been thru so much, den why he choose me?"
i show the msg to simon and i walked off.... i was really hoping that he come to me, hug me and explain everything but he din.... he sitting silently there and holding my phone when reading the msg... so i cant take it anymore since he dun wanna make any action... i ran out from the house... force myself to run... run as far as i can.... threw all the bad feelings behind when i'm running... so i stop at the park near his house... sitting there at the swing... thinking what to do and how to face him... there is a moment where i have a feeling that i wanted him to hug me when i was at the swing there sadly... eventually its just a dream...
i force myself to run another half round and ended up go back to his house.... once i enter his house i cant see him... i was like "Shit... Where the hell is he gone to?"... the feeling of worry and scare built in me.... as i went out from his house again, i walked to the park... walking slowly along the outer street i look into every house street for his sight.... but i cant find him... reaching to the park i was thinking, "did he come here before and sat here by the swing?" but once again i sit by the swing and have this feeling where he came before....
sadly i walked back again cause i cant find him... i din even bother to find my hp cause i tot he was holding it... so i din enter the house after i went back the second time... i tot he went back home already so i asked his siblings where he went... the brother told me that he went to the outer street so i did.... no sight of him again but thank goodness that i walked up to the house street... found him walking worrying where have i been... i shouted his name he cant here and in the end i shout again... finally he turn back... he walk towards me as i stood still...
waiting for explanation but he din... he ask me to go back with him but i'm still stand there waiting for something from him... and again he din... so i agree to go back with him.... still reach back home there is still nothing come from him.... all he did is take a drink and went up stair to the room... so i found him where he is hiding and i asked him that "is there any explanation i suppose to hear?" he kept silently...
i asked him do u actually know whats happening? he says no... i was lik wat the hack.... so i told him... he ask me in return, "do you know why i kept so many secrets from you? cause its about what u are doin and sometimes its hurtful" i answer back that "you shud let me know so i wont do that anymore"... i admit that sometimes what i says are hurtful... i'm sorry about that....
stuff between me and him are back to normal as i cant feel my heart hurt anymore.... but those thing still on my mind... keep on running around as i trying not to think at all.... whenever my mind thinks that it is a small matter but my heart hurts alot.... this is one of the cause that make me ran out yday....
i know you dun wish to share with me but please tell me as you are not the only one who beg for happiness... i do beg that you are happy when around me... being around with you i felt happy MOST of the time and not ALWAYS that you make me sad.... I do hope you can tell me what are the "secrets" is so i can change for you.... last time i had change myself for a guy... and now you are the second... so i beg you please tell me.... but one thing which is i dun force you and i will wait till the time comes....
ran out from your house is my 1st time for my 3 years of relationship.... i am really sorry to do that... just tat i cant stay at your house that time as you are not taking any actions.... i am so sorry to let you felt this feeling again... Gomenasai....
this is my part of stories... for his part of stories click here
thats all for now... i wanna go for exam... more stories tonight... stay tuned for those who wanna follow....
~♥~ show you a sweet dream tonight ~♥~
By,
♥ Michelle ♥
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