Show me a way

Show me a way

I have no ways to run to now....
All i wanted is to escape from my world for a while....
The only place where i can run to no longer available for me....
I only can turn to him but i cant run to him anymore....
He has his own trouble i cant give anymore to him...
Tears are flowing non-stop now
I dunno what can i do anymore...
Hurtful words i have heard enough....
Most of it from friends where i used to rely on...
Now i dont rely on them anymore..
I dont need someone to hurt me....
Its enough already that someone special to me hurt me when we dont know...
Its really tough for me to walk on now especially i'm alone....
I wanted to close my world... close my heart...
its really a pain in my heart.... how i wish i can be strong as my outer self...
I feel really cold... where is the warmth that i always have at my side??
Its gone... and its so hard to get back that feeling....
i really dont know how now....
How long i able to hold on?
Where can i run now to hide myself?
I'm lost... I really dont know...
Please show me a way....
Somewhere i can hide myself when i wan to....
Somewhere i can be myself....
Somewhere that is where i belong to...
A place where my heart is there now....
Please lead me a way to that special place where i used to be there...



♥ Michelle ♥

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Disconnected with blog world

Disconnected with blog world

So long din post le~ Sorry ya~
Recently so many things happen~
Birthday parties to university transfer~ sigh~
really busy~ i am still waiting for UCSI to double confirm me~
i really hope that i able to enter so i can find work~
Praying hard now~~~!!!


Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

[ ... ]

Misses from the heart

Misses from the heart

Recently happen many thing... i dont really care but only one thing... my love life.... i miss Simon... his smiles around me, the way he cares and talks around me... i miss those moments.... we are back together now and i appreciate it dearly.... now... i can do anything to fix this relationship... if its takes my life or health or anything, i willing.... i know this sound stupid but this is the first time in my love life i felt this way... the feeling of importance in relationship rushes in my heart since the day we got together... i lost him once and i dun wan to lost him the second time... once is enough of mistakes and wrongs... now i wanna fix things back... repay all my wrongs with all i can no matter what it takes.... as long he forgive me, as long he is happy with me, as long i able to gif what he wants...

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

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9th Sept 2009

9th Sept 2009

9th September 2009,

such a wonderful date

such a memorable day

morning i was happy as i able to be with my dear

hugs that i missed has been filled

i felt so safe in his hugs

fear begun at uni again

fear of misunderstanding, jealousy, etc

fear of saying the wrong things

i start to keep in to myself and be quiet

how were i last time

the active gal that i am

i no longer know

now i just wanna be the best for him

curiosity, jealousy made me mad

i only can let go in papers

i dont want to tell him

cause it would bring stress to him

i dun wanna control him anymore

second chance in my life is rare

i will use it to the max

even need to force myself to the max

i put my everything in this relationship

even at the end of the day this ends

i would cry for what i did with my best

supporting him at his back

try to change for him

no matter how tired

no matter how pain

no matter how upset i am

i will stay strong and keep goin on

this relationship is important to me

till i can do anything for him

Simon, you may not know how important it is

but i can tell you that

i willing for everything in this relationship

if really need and have too,

i prefer pain and suffer is only me

i love you forever Simon....

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

[ ... ]

Yes or No?

Yes or No?

Can time heals everything?

Can time shows everything?

Can I become the one he wants me to be?

Can we be like how we were?

Is time is the solution?

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

[ ... ]

Life going on so far so good

Life going on so far so good

Have been working at Art Friend, Garden's....

So far so good as worked four days....

Being well with 3 chinese girls,

but others only backstabbers in store...

this is so sad... all girls got backstab today....

I will get my salary soon...

perfectly nice... can look for dresses...

oh wait... not that... buying stuff first...

for scrap-booking and gift... hahaha....

able to be back with Simon...

is my honor and now is time to change...

he back to classes again....

time for toleration now....

i not going to make mistake if i can avoid...

time to sleep now.... nites....

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

[ ... ]

Happy 10th Monthly-versary

Happy 10th Monthly-versary

To My Dear Simon,

Thanks for the chance

I will use the best of it

I dun wan make a single mistake if i can

I will follow what u told me

And i will do it

I will also fulfill my promises to you

I will take this chance to

repay back my mistakes last time,

understand you, trust you more,

and most importantly,

love you more!!

Muax!!

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

[ ... ]

i hate myself

i hate myself

what i am today

how i am today

results i get now

is all my fault

i really hate myself!!!

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

[ ... ]

Pain roars

Pain roars

Today is my most painful day of all~

knowing the eye of truth from him~

everything is my fault~

there are things i can straightly ask~

but i made up stories instead~

everything is my fault~

the reason of breaking up,

the reason of both of us changing,

the reason of everything goes wrong,

is all my fault~

the most painful things in the world

is not unable to be with the one you loved~

but seeing the one you loved being with another one

that is the most painful and hurtful things~

he said he changed for some reason~

cause family, himself and others~

i also no different than him~

i changed too~ but into what?

a beast where has no feelings

i felt that i am a beast now~

after i lost him, everything upside down~

i became anti-social~

i dun attend classes anymore~

i start avoiding everyone but not him~

i can feel he is in pain~

he is hiding himself from me~

but i kept silent about it~

i want him to know that i am here always for him~

i do not know he realize that anot~

but i will wait for him to return~

cause i believe after he settle the stuff he wants,

he will come back~

i miss him alot~

the feeling of his hands on my faces~

the feeling he gave me when i was with him~

i really miss those days and feelings~

i really miss you, Simon~

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

[ ... ]

Stop counting but still waiting

Stop counting but still waiting

I have been stop counting the days where i am alone...
but i have not stop waiting for you....
i have been thinking thinking bout you non-stop....
missing you so much in the same time....
recently i was trying not to sms you....
and i manage to for yesterday and today...
it has been 2 week plus and yea....
i still cant let go....
now i din even realize that you were online or anything....
izzit a good thing or bad thing??
am i getting my life back now or worst??

i hope that you will leave a msg if u do read...
looking forward to it...

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

[ ... ]

It have been a while

It have been a while

It have been awhile now... Whatever i do now i will regret... cant i do something right? Its been really tough for me... I never thought i will go through this once more again.... I really miss him... I dunno know what to do... Wishing him happiness sound so easy but inside me is so hurtful.... Anything about him its none of my business anymore... Seeing him really good with another girl feels so hurt inside but its already none of his business too... All i can do is glad that he able to find someone that give him happy life more than i do... I have been a terrible gf... All cause my attitude.... Stupid attitude that spoils everything in my life...

There are friends that ask me "is he really that important until you can give up everything?" or "is he worth it that you let go everything?".... I answer the same as usual which is "yes" or "anything i can do to maintain this relationship"....

Yesterday i apologize to him about how i treated him and everything... he says what is pass is pass... true... I really regret about how i treated him.... He told me that it is not a must to wait for him and i wont rise the chance of what i have after 3 years.... it sound silly rite? i know i know.... i dunno what else i can do anymore....

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

[ ... ]

Day 9 and presentation

Day 9 and presentation

Day 9 already... at a moment i tot i alraedy let go my heart but now i felt tat i'm lost... i dunno how to handle anymore... fren ask me out i just go without second thoughts.... anything i do i wont think the second time.... i just simply.. lost.... i wanna change myself instantly... i wanna be different person... but i cant... i wanna be the one he wants me to be... but it seems so hard to do it instantly... i wanna change everything faster.... i dun wanna be in this hurtful moment anymore... i no longer know anymore....

I finally finish my marketing presentation.... its scary while nervous too.. i dunno why.. but i took some pictures before and after presentation....

Sze Ping preparing his speech

Sen Miao or we call him Ah Miao or Miao, preparing his speech also

before class starts

after presentation

thats all for now... i'll post the presentation video up later on... nitez

Love you always,
♥ Michelle ♥

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