Guys that read this, i apologize for whatever i going to say here if i say wrong.... i just wanna say out my thoughts... for those who cant accept the worst comments about guys please do not continue this post... Simon.... stop reading this when my words starts to hurt....
Honestly i did think of my guys friends before and wonder how they are.... Have they change? how is their life? what happen when we din meet? etc etc.... but now its useless as i cant always take care myself also but why wanna care bout other ppl?? these are the few guy name where i used to think about them and cares about them...
- Simon (used to be my friend and now bf)
- Alex Chong (my current ex)
- Kenny Tan (my sg bro)
- Steven (my close friend and my ex)
- Chris (used to be my best fren but now i dunno)
as i know for myself, i can help ppl till the max.... i can be there when they need someone.... i try my best to do whatever they ask me to help... but for myself?? i cant do it.... i eventually easily give up on myself... negative thoughts when smt bad happens and not think negative....
when i wanna find someone to talk, i will find my bf, Simon.... i din find anyone else cause i dun wan any conflict cause by me although i did some of it already.... about others where i dun wanna tell anyone i just keep to myself.... thats why i create this blog... to tell what kept in my heart most of the time....
sometimes we can rely on friends but for me i hope that my friends can tell me the truth even it hurts the most... i prefer them to tell me they dun wanna be friends with me either close friends, best friends or juz normal friends.... truth is the best but it hurt also.... but no one knows action is much more hurtful than words.... avoiding is not the way.... treating me cold is not working on me either... but honestly, please hurt me with the truth that you guys have in the heart if u dun wan to be friends with me or anything else....
this morning i had a bad dream... a really bad dream... the first thing i think of is to find Simon... i really need him that time... feeling of insecure.... feeling of afraid... i had a feeling of losing something which is very important to me that is Simon... i told Simon about the dream i had this morning... although i din tell all but before i woke up, i dream of losing him.... i dun wan it to happen.... he said smt that kinda hurful and it makes me to have second thoughts.... it makes me think that is he the right guy for me... i'm sorry to say this Simon...
Guys always says that "i will be at ur side no matter what happens".... but den i'm thinking.... why must guys cant keep their words on that? case of rapist get increase day by day... and we girls be their victims of sexual intercourse by force.... of coz the parents and her partner cant accept it but will they stay by her side and support her? i know the parent does but how about the bf? as i know the bf will dump her coz of he cant accept the fact.... girls hardly tell the truth when they have sickness to their bf... why? everyone know coz she is afraid to get dump by the bf.... well... thats eventually almost all guys do... they depends on what sickness did she have.... if serious, thats the result...
is that called love? i dont think so.... for me love is to able to accept every good and bad that happens.... able to accept what is he, who is he and how is he.... love is to change each other slowly to be better.... i dunno how to explain love in words for me anymore....
in the world, all the guys can accept what i stated above can hardly find.... and the most important is, to find a guy that can accept whatever wrong u did.... for example, u betray him not on purpose and he forgive you.... he forgive you although u backstab him... anything that can be real worst he also able to forgive you and still love you... i know all this stuff is really hard to be accept if its happen during the relationship.... now this kind of guy are really rare to find now... i used to have a guy that able to do whatever i stated here.... when you found that kind of guy, the goodness are there but in return of something else....
i used to compare the guys i like with my condition which is personalities, looks, sports, and studies.... but i forgotten something which is very important... can he keep his words? can he really able to stay by my side even the worst things happens? can he accept who am i, how am i and what am i?
i really hope that my dear is the right guy for me.... i cant demand too much in relationship.... now all i wan is to appreciate him as long as i can... last time i promised that i would not betray my bf as long i still love him and i was train not to betray the one i loved by my current ex.... i will only leave him when he dun love me and doesnt need me anymore forever... there is no use to cling with someone that dont love you anymore... just go on with life...
sorry for those who reads till the end of this post if i hurt any heart feelings.... no offense as i just wanna write what i'm thinking.... more post tonight....
~♥~ show you a sweet dream tonight ~♥~
By,
♥ Michelle ♥
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