why?

drop by drop dripping from the knife after stabbing a heart just like tears by tears falling from deep inside my heart

i dunno why i feeling this... but neither my heart feels really hurt...
all i felt is all the people around just used the trust i have for them to get what they one...
either that to take away everything that i have...

but now i realize no matter how selfish i am, how protective i am, how much i sacrifice myself; i will not have the thing that i want to be totally mine...
there is always something between my way...

when one problem settle and i started to trust the people around me on my everything no matter personal or impersonal stuff, everything start to turn around...
it hurts me indirectly... hurts me deep and able to make me cry no matter where i am...
i always try to hold back.. hold back everything... tears, sorrow, pain and the most important my emotions...

i not longer able to do anything anymore... but just to hold back and cry alone...
cry alone in the dark or in my room alone.. i hate tis feeling....
force to bare with what other people called that not suppose to call except his or her own partner...
force to bare with hearing those words which means deep feeling for me but not from me...

this is how world is when you love someone....
i tried to open to everything that i not used to open for....
i tried to be tolerance where i am not used to be...
is it wrong to change who i am for someone?
but why in return i hurt myself?

really pain...
ignoring friends cause all i want is him and all i need is him....
ignoring everyone besides me include my parents cause all i wan is him...
without him, i really dunno what to do next....

~♥~ sadness as the blood dripping from my heart ~♥~

By,
♥ Michelle ♥